Skin Growth

Skin Growth

In the early days of my career, I got a crash course in growing layers of skin.  The whole idea of social media was yet to develop, so there was a propensity for flame wars to crop up when folks would engage in the chest-pounding activity of using their CC: and “Reply All” email functions with gusto.  Never a wallflower, I have had the ability to run smack into big egos all over the world.  Even before politics, people felt compelled to publicly judge my opinions, actions, etc.  When you are the one doing the real work, whether it be the PTA or the block captain for Neighborhood watch, there are always those annoying people who essentially don’t do shit, but they sit around like armchair quarterbacks and bitch about how the people actually giving up their time and treasure are getting things done.  This USED to cause me a great deal of duress.  I was, after all, born with the same amount of skin as the next person. 

After awhile, though, I began to recognize these losers for what they were… they create a drag on society and the negative energy they spread is more about their insecurities than about the failures of the people they constantly (publicly) criticize.  You know when you have isolated their particular brand of ill-equipped psyche when you REALLY piss them off with simple questions like, “So, did your mom not love you enough?” (of course, they miss the sarcasm and think about your question literally and they send you their treatise on how great their Mom is), or the less openly aggressive, but very passive aggressive, “I hope that your future is filled with more affection and hugs than you must have received as a child.”   If I am feeling particularly sassy, I may throw in  “Your level of emotional outburst is clearly out of proportion to this situation.”  Then, you can follow up with either:  A)    “Has this cycle of self-loathing been going on awhile, or is this just a bad day?”  B) “Would you like a little time to get your emotions under control so we can continue this dialogue in a more useful way?  I’ll wait.”  or, C) “I am going to pray that whatever is ‘really’ going on in your life works out soon because it is obviously causing you to lose your ability to work well with others and could eventually erode all of your relationships.” (this should only be used if you are disciplined enough to actually pray for the jackass and mean it… Do NOT mess with evoking the creator unless you are sincere and committed to the follow through). 

I recognize this way of dealing with angry and obnoxious people is a bit risky.  I also recognize that I will NOT, in fact, be able to make all of the American people treat each other with common courtesy and basic human respect.  But, I have developed a special knack for shrugging off attacks and not taking them personal, as the years have gone on.  And, I am convinced that if more of us simply would say to the shop-girl-who-is-giving-you-the-stink-eye-and-answering-your-very-simple-questions-contemptuously, “Are you having a bad day?” we would discover through this basic inquiry that she has her own reality, just as we do.   And, we’d recognize that in her little universe, she is barely surviving my decision to spend money in her store because of something very real going on in her life and mind.  Perhaps more importantly, it would show a shred of compassion for said shop girl that she really needed today.  And, in return for this undeserved flash of kindness, she will nearly always A) recognize she is being a bitch, and B) humbly then go about giving you the best service you can expect from anyone on any day. 

So, I have these little philosophies that I have learned to employ over the years that have allowed me to become somewhat immune to attacks by goofballs.  That isn’t to say that I won’t read something and get mad, or maybe even throw out a choice expletive in a never-sent draft response post.  But, I don’t let it deter me from my work nor do I internalize their hateful comments where they could do real harm.  So, I have developed various strategies to deal while waiting for my extra layers of skin to come in.  Here’s another biggie…

It might surprise you to know that most smart elected officials don’t read the blogs.  I am among that group.  Other people close to me read them and let me know when certain themes are emerging and spreading so that we can determine what, if anything, we need to do about it.  I almost hate to admit this, as there is something satisfying knowing that all of you hateful kooks out there are up all night chomping on chips and drinking your coke zero thinking that you are somehow hurting me or affecting change.  There is a little satisfaction in knowing you lost sleep and I didn’t.  There.  I said it.  So suck it you sad pathetic angry little man.  That said, please keep reading mine. J