Skin Growth

Skin Growth

In the early days of my career, I got a crash course in growing layers of skin.  The whole idea of social media was yet to develop, so there was a propensity for flame wars to crop up when folks would engage in the chest-pounding activity of using their CC: and “Reply All” email functions with gusto.  Never a wallflower, I have had the ability to run smack into big egos all over the world.  Even before politics, people felt compelled to publicly judge my opinions, actions, etc.  When you are the one doing the real work, whether it be the PTA or the block captain for Neighborhood watch, there are always those annoying people who essentially don’t do shit, but they sit around like armchair quarterbacks and bitch about how the people actually giving up their time and treasure are getting things done.  This USED to cause me a great deal of duress.  I was, after all, born with the same amount of skin as the next person. 

After awhile, though, I began to recognize these losers for what they were… they create a drag on society and the negative energy they spread is more about their insecurities than about the failures of the people they constantly (publicly) criticize.  You know when you have isolated their particular brand of ill-equipped psyche when you REALLY piss them off with simple questions like, “So, did your mom not love you enough?” (of course, they miss the sarcasm and think about your question literally and they send you their treatise on how great their Mom is), or the less openly aggressive, but very passive aggressive, “I hope that your future is filled with more affection and hugs than you must have received as a child.”   If I am feeling particularly sassy, I may throw in  “Your level of emotional outburst is clearly out of proportion to this situation.”  Then, you can follow up with either:  A)    “Has this cycle of self-loathing been going on awhile, or is this just a bad day?”  B) “Would you like a little time to get your emotions under control so we can continue this dialogue in a more useful way?  I’ll wait.”  or, C) “I am going to pray that whatever is ‘really’ going on in your life works out soon because it is obviously causing you to lose your ability to work well with others and could eventually erode all of your relationships.” (this should only be used if you are disciplined enough to actually pray for the jackass and mean it… Do NOT mess with evoking the creator unless you are sincere and committed to the follow through). 

I recognize this way of dealing with angry and obnoxious people is a bit risky.  I also recognize that I will NOT, in fact, be able to make all of the American people treat each other with common courtesy and basic human respect.  But, I have developed a special knack for shrugging off attacks and not taking them personal, as the years have gone on.  And, I am convinced that if more of us simply would say to the shop-girl-who-is-giving-you-the-stink-eye-and-answering-your-very-simple-questions-contemptuously, “Are you having a bad day?” we would discover through this basic inquiry that she has her own reality, just as we do.   And, we’d recognize that in her little universe, she is barely surviving my decision to spend money in her store because of something very real going on in her life and mind.  Perhaps more importantly, it would show a shred of compassion for said shop girl that she really needed today.  And, in return for this undeserved flash of kindness, she will nearly always A) recognize she is being a bitch, and B) humbly then go about giving you the best service you can expect from anyone on any day. 

So, I have these little philosophies that I have learned to employ over the years that have allowed me to become somewhat immune to attacks by goofballs.  That isn’t to say that I won’t read something and get mad, or maybe even throw out a choice expletive in a never-sent draft response post.  But, I don’t let it deter me from my work nor do I internalize their hateful comments where they could do real harm.  So, I have developed various strategies to deal while waiting for my extra layers of skin to come in.  Here’s another biggie…

It might surprise you to know that most smart elected officials don’t read the blogs.  I am among that group.  Other people close to me read them and let me know when certain themes are emerging and spreading so that we can determine what, if anything, we need to do about it.  I almost hate to admit this, as there is something satisfying knowing that all of you hateful kooks out there are up all night chomping on chips and drinking your coke zero thinking that you are somehow hurting me or affecting change.  There is a little satisfaction in knowing you lost sleep and I didn’t.  There.  I said it.  So suck it you sad pathetic angry little man.  That said, please keep reading mine. J

B.S. – Racist too Dumb to Realize

B.S. – Racist too Dumb to Realize

There are long hours and sometimes many of those hours are spent in a holding pattern, waiting for the other cogs in the wheel to line up properly so the process can move forward.  It is in the midst of this waiting game that you see the walls of careful invention begin to come down and colleagues begin to speak their minds.

So, one day, we are having a discussion about the problems of illegal immigration and the burden on the country, as a result.  Please note: immigration isn’t a problem, by nature.  Illegal, unorganized, unregulated immigration, is a problem.  It costs the taxpayers a ton and is a very real national security issue that must be dealt within the midst of a rather serious discussion about solutions and unintended consequences, a colleague sitting nearby pipes up and offers his own assessment of the roots of this problem.  Please note also: These are not my words or a reflection of my personal beliefs.  My inside voice will speak in italics.

The guy starts like this: “Well, it is no wonder Mexicans disregard our immigration laws more than any other group.”  Do tell, oh mentally stunted one.  “Everyone knows that the Mexican government is corrupt and that there is a whole culture of corruption all across Mexico.  Those people just don’t have a concept of the rule of law.  They can’t help it, really. “

To wit, I ask, “So are you saying that Mexicans are, by nature, criminals?” Surely, he will pick up my cue to back peddle when I tee this up for him to fix.  He answers, “Oh definitely.  How can expect someone from a culture of corruption to ever grasp the concept of following the law?”  Some things can’t be fixed, I am thinking, so might as well have some fun with this knuckle head.   

I put on my best act of being truly inspired and eager to hear more and say, “Wow.  Well that really explains a lot.  So, I guess we should assume that ALL Mexicans, whether they came here legally in the traditional paths of immigration or by sneaking through the desert, to be suspect?”  At this point, I am sure he is going to see the flaw in his retarded logic and start swimming for the shore.  Instead, he replies, “Probably.  I mean, there no sense putting yourself in a risky situation with an unknown.”

Yes, it is true.  There IS no test for I.Q. or even a measured amount of common sense or a basic ability to utilize logic in order to get elected.  Racists are everywhere.  They work in your company and they have worked in mine.  But, this little episode was very eye opening and made me A) Happy for term limits and B) Glad this guy didn’t give a lot of speeches in public.

Stories from Behind Security - The Preface for B.S. to Come

Stories from Behind Security - The Preface

A wise philosopher once said, “There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and The Great Pumpkin.”  Ok, so it was Linus Van Pelt, a Peanuts character that said it.  But, it is wise, nonetheless.

When I fly, ride a bus, take the train, or sit in any inescapable situation with strangers, I have a rule.  I don’t tell people who I am or what I really do for a living.  We will call this the Linus rule.  Why?  Because political discussions with the average person who isn’t deeply involved tend to either become heated or nauseating very quickly (and I have nowhere else to sit in these situations).   Most people get their ideas about politics, government, campaigns, and politicians from the newspaper, TV News (dear God), and blogs.  As such, it is like discussing the finer points of high quality sushi with a pre-schooler while he munches on Cheerios.

But, there are those occasions when I am “outted” by a well-meaning host at a dinner party, wedding reception, or the like.  I have found that the best way to survive the political junkies of any ideological persuasion (and keep the peace so I will be invited back) is to revert to story telling.

Story telling is a family tradition and can fill “my end” of the conversation through all courses of the meal and well into the coffee/cordial period of the event.  I’ve got a bazillion stories that hail from behind the security doors of our building.  And, since most people who have never served in office have a very messed up idea of what we do all day, they eat these stories up like dessert came early. 

Over the course of my blog experiment, I will share these “stories from behind security” with you all.  I hope you enjoy them as much as my fellow dinner guests and occasional airline flight “friends” who manage to figure out my identity hours before we land.  I will title them with the appropriate acronym preceding each title (“B.S.”) so you can find them easily, either to read them or to avoid them.  I’m a user-friendly distributor of  B.S. stories, after all.  Enjoy.

*EXPLANATION OF THIS BLOG*

About the Blog

By way of introduction, I should tell you that I have been in elected office for several terms now and my growing cynicism is not from a natural aptitude for being cynical.  As such, I optimistically still hold on to a glimmer of hope that I can make a difference if I persevere in this nutty business.  It is certainly important enough to try, at very least.  Besides, I have travelled internationally enough now to recognize that while the American political system is shoddy and full of problems, it is still the best thing going in the free world.  (read: you have nowhere to go, in case you were thinking of shopping for a better homeland).

Because I want to be able to write enough useful inside glimpses into the “real” process, without destroying relationships that are vital to my ability to do my job, I am going to be forced to intentionally change names, locations, etc. so as not to allow some super bright reader to figure out my identity or the identity of any of the characters (and I do mean “characters") that will be highlighted here.  Essentially, you are going to get the transparency you crave because no one’s rear end will be on the line here.  That said, I am going to mention folks by their real names once in awhile when I think they deserve a real “shout out” from Americans for their good acts.  I know that this sounds a bit hypocritical, but it is my blog and I get to make the rules here.  So, this being a free country, you are hereby permitted to stop reading and go about your way if you find it offensive or wrong that I am picking and choosing, as the blog author, when I will “out” people and when I won’t.

Warning: I know how to write in complete grammatically correct sentences.  You will note, however, that I regularly choose not to.  Please save your grammar-correcting amateur writing critic comments for someone who cares.  This is going to be like a conversation and in real conversation, only nerds speak solely in complete sentences.  Got it?  Good.  (See?  It works.)

Oh, and one other thing:  I take requests...  Dying to know the insider perspective on something you have heard rumored?  Ask me.