Rubber Chicken

Rubber Chicken

Each week, I sit down at my desk and am handed a folder about an inch thick filled with invitations to all sorts of things.  These are the various events that good people put together and invite everyone of remote importance in hopes that the “regular” folks who have no choice but to attend will be encouraged that “important” people came.  It makes the organizer look cool, and if there is someone or something being honored that I care about, I will try and go. 

I attended an event recently with a friend of mine.  It was a black tie deal and I thought it would be fun to just get a bit dressed up and lend a little support to this organization which does a lot of good work.  The most poignant question of the night came from a lady who asked me, “Why are you here?”  As I stammered, realizing I had no real idea, the thought that this blog entry must be written came to mind.  The organization so butchered my name; I hadn’t stood because I didn’t recognize it when it was said.  Apparently they did a big “group stand” thing for anyone important who was there but perceived to be less important than me.  So, half way through the meal, the woman was curious as to why I was sitting at her table.  LOL.  I have no damn idea.  But, I am pretty sure I won’t make the same mistake next year.

Here’s the secret to garnering repeat attendance from politicos:

Be sure you read their names and titles and give them time to stand and be recognized as being in attendance.  This provides value to them for giving you their time that could have been spent with their real friends and family.  It allows the group attendees to see that they are real, also, which grows your coolness factor for getting them there.

Get their names and titles right.  Your coolness evaporates quickly if you can’t be bothered to properly pronounce a small handful of names of elected officials.  One organization gets my name wrong every year.  Granted, you don’t know my name.  But, trust me… anybody can pronounce it and it is phonetically correct even if the organizer is such a poser that they don’t really have a clue who the people are they invited.  So, I just stopped going to these events where people butcher my name.  It isn’t that I am acting with bit of sour grapes (ok, maybe a little- I did fight very hard for a piece of their legislation one year).  But, there is no value to me if folks in attendance don’t know I came out for the event.  And, it is embarrassing.  When you get an elected official’s name THAT wrong, repeatedly, it says that you find them so insignificant that you aren’t even aware of how their name is spoken or what office they hold.  I don’t like to be embarrassed.  It isn’t fun.

If they are special guests (which I presume they are), then seat them accordingly.  I don’t mean seating them at the head table… seriously; NO one likes to face a room full of strangers while they try to navigate a plate of mixed field greens.  Rather, seat them with significant people in your organization who will have some flipping clue as to why it is meaningful that they are sitting with an elected official.  If you sit them with random “filler” guests from the steno pool, they won’t come back.  Remember, you are not their family and this is not a Thanksgiving dinner that they are beholden to attend.  If dinner conversation is pure hell, they will treat your next invitation just like anyone who has ever come to your crappy dinner parties.

If you want to really excel at these events, in the minds of politicians, assign someone to “host” each of them from the time they check in at your front registration tables.  The “host” takes them around to introduce them to key people in your organization and sits with them at their table.  We often wonder around your event with no idea who we should talk to (news flash: we don’t read your trade magazines and don’t know what King Widget Dude looks like).  The “host” can also be sure on pronunciation for the trickier names and find out if the VIP guest would like to have their guest recognized as being in attendance with them.  Hint: Older men with beautiful daughters in tow will truly appreciate you introducing the daughter as such… for obvious reasons.

Make sure there are photo opportunities.  The politico wants a picture.  If it was important enough to come to yet another rubber chicken dinner, he/she cares about your organization.  We need a scrapbook of the stuff we care about for future campaigns.  You should also use these pictures in your newsletters, future fundraising appeals, etc. 

Ok, that wasn’t so hard.  Hope this was instructive and helpful for both those fighting the good fight on a myriad of issues that hold these events and for the politicians who bother to venture out to your banquet meals and receptions.